So I've got a neurological disorder. As in, my brain has a problem. Not my mind, or psyche, or whatever. There's pills for it, thank God.
Classical symptoms; 'cataplexy', which is muscular weakness (and what happened that Thursday). Apparently I also 'make faces' when I'm upset that are actually my facial muscles forgetting they're awake. So check on that. Sleep paralysis (check), hallucinations, both when dozing off or waking (check, maybe super check if the slender man is in my imagination), and 'excessive daytime sleepiness'; (fucking check; it is a hot topic just on this blog).
Doctor Gibbins is a pretty cool guy. He's a sleep specialist and actually lives in town (unlike the hospital, which is county and was a good long ride as far as getting to a hospital goes). He works at a clinic here in town and remarked that this place has actually had a 'statistically significant' high occurrence of sleep issues for years. He's an older guy, gray haired, even-mannered and really seems to know his stuff. Apparently narcolepsy is one of those things that can go a long time undiagnosed so he's not entirely surprised by my situation. He's actually very interested because it's evidently presenting someone atypically or something; I really don't have the heart, guts, words, or anything to tell him how right he is.
Not much has changed really. I'm still taking a pill before bed, a couple throughout the day, and doctor-approved naps (although I've never been a nap person). I mean I've got a name for what's been bothering me for years and a way to treat it, so I guess that's nice.
But there's still Mel's friend. I can't explain that.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
And I thought it was nothing.
I had convinced myself this was some sort of two-person 'mass' hysteria. I really had.
Ashleigh came back. We didn't talk about before. But now I see every little jab or suggestion she makes and I'm just not ready to think about the shit she wants me to think about. It's irritating, but she helped me forget everything for a while anyway. It's nice to worry about something that isn't supernatural.
And now she knows there's something genuinely wrong with me.
Last week was pretty much the second-to-last week of the semester. Ashleigh graduates June 6th. She leaves for UT sometime in August, probably, she's not sure yet. Our stupid trebuchet project - the only thing bumping me into a B in Algebra 2 - was wrapped up Thursday.
The only high school in town is on a hill, pretty much taking up the entirety of the buildable space on it (the student parking lot is at the bottom of the hill, of course). Most of the 'shop' type stuff is down here too, conveniently located near enough the auto dealership that sits on the highway leading into downtown. The afternoon was bright and scorching just like any afternoon in Southeast Texas is these days. I'd done most of the gruntwork on the thing; I really didn't understand much of the actual math behind it which I guess sort of defeated the point of me being in on this whole thing in the first place.
I was also the one to help wheel the stupid thing through the grass out to the field we were gonna fire it on. As I've said before the place is pretty much surrounded by forest because it was clear cut from the highway towards what I guess are the property borders of a sleepy little neighborhood on the outskirts of town. Part of the land of course didn't actually get used for anything, so there's a big (like, four football field's worth sort of I guess?) grassy field where there's not really much of anything for a projectile fired from the physic's student's death trap to crush. I've got no idea how much forest is actually there, but I'm pretty sure there's more than ten acres between the school and the actual private homes.
So there we are, ten teenagers - mostly teenage boys, which my mother assures me are exactly the type to do these sorts of stupid things - ready to throw some heavy weights (and even a couple of actual rocks!) however many feet our cobbled together monstrosity would go. 'G' as I've been calling him here had of course stuck himself to me and was worrying that some of the design decisions that had gone over my head meant there wouldn't be enough force to get what they'd intended. Ash was being standoffish as usual with some of the slackers who'd done nothing but chatter all these weeks.Mr. Haynes was trying to keep a couple of the guys from accidentally hurting themselves being too rough setting it back to load. I just kind of zoned out like I usually do when it's been a long enough day I feel like I'd rather just go home and collapse on my bed.
And then Mel's good friend showed up. To me. There's a little grove of trees that sticks out into the main field, making an extremely shady area that's not quite closely-clumped actual-forest. It was just standing there, palms forward, vaguely welcoming. "Come to me," the body language said. The last thing I remember thinking was that I wanted to run away right into his arms, as far away as would get me close to him. That's the best I can describe it. A mix of terror and longing that makes absolutely no logical sense. And that was the first time since I'd realized what it truly was that I thought of this figure as a person. That only really stuck out when I tried to put it into words. For a minute he was like my father, or at least what my father could have been.
The next thing I knew Ash was crouched over me and hysterical, G was looking like a deer in the headlights and Mr. Haynes was wringing his hands. Half of the rest of the class was running across the field. The school nurse showed up a few minutes later. An ambulance not long after that. The ER couldn't find anything wrong with me but I was admitted on my mother's insistence. Healthy 16 year olds don't faint dead away. Weekend was spent seeing specialists who seem equally clueless but seem OK with guessing 'narcolepsy'.
I'll post more on that and how the diagnosis makes perfect sense later. But for now, one of the classic symptoms of narcolepsy?
Hallucinations. Even if this thing is real, nobody will believe me. They'll just think it's getting worse.
Hell, I'm not sure I believe me anymore.
Ashleigh came back. We didn't talk about before. But now I see every little jab or suggestion she makes and I'm just not ready to think about the shit she wants me to think about. It's irritating, but she helped me forget everything for a while anyway. It's nice to worry about something that isn't supernatural.
And now she knows there's something genuinely wrong with me.
Last week was pretty much the second-to-last week of the semester. Ashleigh graduates June 6th. She leaves for UT sometime in August, probably, she's not sure yet. Our stupid trebuchet project - the only thing bumping me into a B in Algebra 2 - was wrapped up Thursday.
The only high school in town is on a hill, pretty much taking up the entirety of the buildable space on it (the student parking lot is at the bottom of the hill, of course). Most of the 'shop' type stuff is down here too, conveniently located near enough the auto dealership that sits on the highway leading into downtown. The afternoon was bright and scorching just like any afternoon in Southeast Texas is these days. I'd done most of the gruntwork on the thing; I really didn't understand much of the actual math behind it which I guess sort of defeated the point of me being in on this whole thing in the first place.
I was also the one to help wheel the stupid thing through the grass out to the field we were gonna fire it on. As I've said before the place is pretty much surrounded by forest because it was clear cut from the highway towards what I guess are the property borders of a sleepy little neighborhood on the outskirts of town. Part of the land of course didn't actually get used for anything, so there's a big (like, four football field's worth sort of I guess?) grassy field where there's not really much of anything for a projectile fired from the physic's student's death trap to crush. I've got no idea how much forest is actually there, but I'm pretty sure there's more than ten acres between the school and the actual private homes.
So there we are, ten teenagers - mostly teenage boys, which my mother assures me are exactly the type to do these sorts of stupid things - ready to throw some heavy weights (and even a couple of actual rocks!) however many feet our cobbled together monstrosity would go. 'G' as I've been calling him here had of course stuck himself to me and was worrying that some of the design decisions that had gone over my head meant there wouldn't be enough force to get what they'd intended. Ash was being standoffish as usual with some of the slackers who'd done nothing but chatter all these weeks.Mr. Haynes was trying to keep a couple of the guys from accidentally hurting themselves being too rough setting it back to load. I just kind of zoned out like I usually do when it's been a long enough day I feel like I'd rather just go home and collapse on my bed.
And then Mel's good friend showed up. To me. There's a little grove of trees that sticks out into the main field, making an extremely shady area that's not quite closely-clumped actual-forest. It was just standing there, palms forward, vaguely welcoming. "Come to me," the body language said. The last thing I remember thinking was that I wanted to run away right into his arms, as far away as would get me close to him. That's the best I can describe it. A mix of terror and longing that makes absolutely no logical sense. And that was the first time since I'd realized what it truly was that I thought of this figure as a person. That only really stuck out when I tried to put it into words. For a minute he was like my father, or at least what my father could have been.
The next thing I knew Ash was crouched over me and hysterical, G was looking like a deer in the headlights and Mr. Haynes was wringing his hands. Half of the rest of the class was running across the field. The school nurse showed up a few minutes later. An ambulance not long after that. The ER couldn't find anything wrong with me but I was admitted on my mother's insistence. Healthy 16 year olds don't faint dead away. Weekend was spent seeing specialists who seem equally clueless but seem OK with guessing 'narcolepsy'.
I'll post more on that and how the diagnosis makes perfect sense later. But for now, one of the classic symptoms of narcolepsy?
Hallucinations. Even if this thing is real, nobody will believe me. They'll just think it's getting worse.
Hell, I'm not sure I believe me anymore.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Research
Well I've spent the weekend worrying and searching and worrying some more and turned up so little worth the effort it seems barely worth it. A Google search for "guy standing outside my window" turns up about what you would expect; four parts creepypasta and one part bad jokes. Ugh.
Not that I was expecting much from just that of course. Looking into it more it seems this 'urban legend' is way bigger than I thought. There's a whole YouTube series (that I've never seen). Another one that seems to be about picking up every scary thing they can think of from what I can tell. Blogs not unlike this one that are also clearly fiction; a cop talking openly about an ongoing investigation online, a bunch of crap that sounds like it belongs in a(n admittedly dark) fantasy novel, some nonsense about parallel dimensions (bleeding?) and crap from a SUPER SECRET AGENCY THAT POSTS ALL THEIR BUSINESS ONLINE FOLKS, and apparently the FBI is totes on this guys. Ugh.
I'm sure it'd be a great read if there wasn't a tootsie roll center of terrible truth there in the middle of it all. I bet some of this stuff is true, but it's hard to tell when it's in the center of this hurricane of media and some of the stuff is even convincing until they crossover and shoot zombies with lasers while riding velociraptors down Washington Boulevard.
About all I've gotten out of this is that this 'slender man' is stalk-ie and likes trees. His weaknesses seem to be heights, electricity, the ever-popular nothing, water (really, guys?), unicorn jizz, bad memes and spunky teenagers. Thanks, Internet; you're always great.
I'm really not too far from where I started, am I?
Not that I was expecting much from just that of course. Looking into it more it seems this 'urban legend' is way bigger than I thought. There's a whole YouTube series (that I've never seen). Another one that seems to be about picking up every scary thing they can think of from what I can tell. Blogs not unlike this one that are also clearly fiction; a cop talking openly about an ongoing investigation online, a bunch of crap that sounds like it belongs in a(n admittedly dark) fantasy novel, some nonsense about parallel dimensions (bleeding?) and crap from a SUPER SECRET AGENCY THAT POSTS ALL THEIR BUSINESS ONLINE FOLKS, and apparently the FBI is totes on this guys. Ugh.
I'm sure it'd be a great read if there wasn't a tootsie roll center of terrible truth there in the middle of it all. I bet some of this stuff is true, but it's hard to tell when it's in the center of this hurricane of media and some of the stuff is even convincing until they crossover and shoot zombies with lasers while riding velociraptors down Washington Boulevard.
About all I've gotten out of this is that this 'slender man' is stalk-ie and likes trees. His weaknesses seem to be heights, electricity, the ever-popular nothing, water (really, guys?), unicorn jizz, bad memes and spunky teenagers. Thanks, Internet; you're always great.
I'm really not too far from where I started, am I?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Ashleigh
I had every intention of divulging this shit to Ash. It's insane. She's, at least, close enough to the raggedy edge to at least play along. Melanie of course demands secrecy but she's eleven and scared, may not even remember not being scared. She doesn't really have the best judgement, now does she?
But it turns out Ashleigh has been harboring her own secret. Well, not a secret, but she's been sending me mixed messages. We are an odd couple - she's a ridiculous overachiever while I am content to take a few advanced classes, put forth minimum effort, do pretty well and let it lie. Hell, I don't even want to get my driver's license because mom and Ash are content to take me where I need to go.
But now she's tired of 'enabling' me. "You haven't even looked into colleges yet, have you?" No, I'm a sophomore. And besides, it's not like we've got money or I'm going to get a full ride scholarship, or necessarily any scholarship. I've been with her through her painstaking process of applying and finagling and all the crap that goes into this sort of thing. Purdue. Texas A&M. Miskatonic. Berkley. MIT. University of Texas. She's considered every college from sea to shining sea, except more than a few of those were so outlandish for her talents that it's pretty clear she thought she was getting me interested. Or at least trying.
The whole thing came to a fucking head yesterday and she's gone for the weekend so I pretty much have no idea about anything anymore. My best friend has alienated me right when I need somebody and if I try to tell her about this she'll think I'm making it all up.
Guess I'll have to turn to the Internet.
But it turns out Ashleigh has been harboring her own secret. Well, not a secret, but she's been sending me mixed messages. We are an odd couple - she's a ridiculous overachiever while I am content to take a few advanced classes, put forth minimum effort, do pretty well and let it lie. Hell, I don't even want to get my driver's license because mom and Ash are content to take me where I need to go.
But now she's tired of 'enabling' me. "You haven't even looked into colleges yet, have you?" No, I'm a sophomore. And besides, it's not like we've got money or I'm going to get a full ride scholarship, or necessarily any scholarship. I've been with her through her painstaking process of applying and finagling and all the crap that goes into this sort of thing. Purdue. Texas A&M. Miskatonic. Berkley. MIT. University of Texas. She's considered every college from sea to shining sea, except more than a few of those were so outlandish for her talents that it's pretty clear she thought she was getting me interested. Or at least trying.
The whole thing came to a fucking head yesterday and she's gone for the weekend so I pretty much have no idea about anything anymore. My best friend has alienated me right when I need somebody and if I try to tell her about this she'll think I'm making it all up.
Guess I'll have to turn to the Internet.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Time
So, having had a weekend, a Monday, and most of a Tuesday to think about it, I've come to a conclusion about that last post.
This whole thing is batshit insane.
Melanie refuses to say a damned thing about it. I only got anything by pretty much playing 20 questions over a couple of days. ("Are you thinking of an eldritch abomination? Yes. Is it outside the window right now? Also yes.") In the end, survey says that this is what's been bothering her all along. At first she didn't say exactly when it started, but led with "It's been going on since before dad's crash". That raised its own horde of questions that I've miserably failed to do my best to not think about. The other big thing is that the other has something to do with trees. For a minute I was hoping this was all an elaborate prank, because they lived in Kansas, where the state tree is a bush and the usual limit on how far you can see is the curvature of the earth.
But it started in Arkansas. They were visiting some of her mother's family when it first started. Apparently one of the friends of the kids in the family had told her some old urban legend. All I got out of it was it was a guy-in-a-mask/monster who starts fires and preys on kids, lives in the forest. It's about as coherent as you'd expect stories swapped between pre-teens to be, or urban legends in general. The fact it was second hand and told by a little girl who's been tortured by it for months probably didn't help.
Then the other actually showed up. I couldn't really get anything clearer than that; for at least a few days at the end of the trip, the thing appeared outside her window, just like it was doing here. Then they went back to Kansas and everything was fine. For a while.
Apparently it would show up some nights, with no pattern, never consecutively, and usually weeks apart. A couple of months later her parents had gone back to Arkansas, leaving her to stay with a friend while they looked into a house to move into.
That was in February. Her parents - my dad - never made it back to Kansas. The other was outside her window for what she claimed to be the entire night.
Then she came to Texas. For a couple of weeks, everything was, while not OK, free of our gruesome friend. Then she saw it where she'd never seen it before. In broad daylight. In the park. I apparently saw it too but I didn't see it then. But I can see it now - his stance, the way he held his arms - I thought it was some sort of injury or disability, but my mind's eye says that's how that veteran was standing.
I'm glad I cataloged this kind of thing.
That still doesn't really say what to do going forward. It didn't show up over the weekend, and it didn't show up yesterday even though I wasn't in the room that night. Mel and I discussed switching rooms - I don't have a window - but I don't know how well that would work. One thing's for sure - this isn't Kansas, and this isn't Texas as we like to portray ourselves. I can look out my front door and see trees, look out my backdoor and see a sea of trees, the drive into town is a largely-uninterrupted string of light forest. My school is surrounded on two sides by trees. Mel's school borders a small neighborhood covered in, yes, trees.
We can't run, and I Mel refuses to ask for help. "That's how he gets you," she said. I'm not sure what she meant by that. Maybe I'll do some research.
This whole thing is batshit insane.
Melanie refuses to say a damned thing about it. I only got anything by pretty much playing 20 questions over a couple of days. ("Are you thinking of an eldritch abomination? Yes. Is it outside the window right now? Also yes.") In the end, survey says that this is what's been bothering her all along. At first she didn't say exactly when it started, but led with "It's been going on since before dad's crash". That raised its own horde of questions that I've miserably failed to do my best to not think about. The other big thing is that the other has something to do with trees. For a minute I was hoping this was all an elaborate prank, because they lived in Kansas, where the state tree is a bush and the usual limit on how far you can see is the curvature of the earth.
But it started in Arkansas. They were visiting some of her mother's family when it first started. Apparently one of the friends of the kids in the family had told her some old urban legend. All I got out of it was it was a guy-in-a-mask/monster who starts fires and preys on kids, lives in the forest. It's about as coherent as you'd expect stories swapped between pre-teens to be, or urban legends in general. The fact it was second hand and told by a little girl who's been tortured by it for months probably didn't help.
Then the other actually showed up. I couldn't really get anything clearer than that; for at least a few days at the end of the trip, the thing appeared outside her window, just like it was doing here. Then they went back to Kansas and everything was fine. For a while.
Apparently it would show up some nights, with no pattern, never consecutively, and usually weeks apart. A couple of months later her parents had gone back to Arkansas, leaving her to stay with a friend while they looked into a house to move into.
That was in February. Her parents - my dad - never made it back to Kansas. The other was outside her window for what she claimed to be the entire night.
Then she came to Texas. For a couple of weeks, everything was, while not OK, free of our gruesome friend. Then she saw it where she'd never seen it before. In broad daylight. In the park. I apparently saw it too but I didn't see it then. But I can see it now - his stance, the way he held his arms - I thought it was some sort of injury or disability, but my mind's eye says that's how that veteran was standing.
I'm glad I cataloged this kind of thing.
That still doesn't really say what to do going forward. It didn't show up over the weekend, and it didn't show up yesterday even though I wasn't in the room that night. Mel and I discussed switching rooms - I don't have a window - but I don't know how well that would work. One thing's for sure - this isn't Kansas, and this isn't Texas as we like to portray ourselves. I can look out my front door and see trees, look out my backdoor and see a sea of trees, the drive into town is a largely-uninterrupted string of light forest. My school is surrounded on two sides by trees. Mel's school borders a small neighborhood covered in, yes, trees.
We can't run, and I Mel refuses to ask for help. "That's how he gets you," she said. I'm not sure what she meant by that. Maybe I'll do some research.
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